As I stated in the PRPSA assignment, I have never liked public speaking. I am shy and relatively quiet, and care way too much about what other people are thinking. Before giving my Life in a Bag speech, I was calm, because I was able to select the order in which I presented. I didn't intend to pick the last spot (I thought more people would be coming in!) but I was glad I would have a chance to see some of the other speeches before giving mine. As my turn came closer, however, I started to lose my calm and get very nervous. It's one of the worst feelings in the whole world. I tried very hard to convince myself there was nothing to be nervous about, but once I got up to the podium, I couldn't control my nerves. I can always feel my voice begin to shake and by that point, I'm so embarrassed that I can't collect myself enough to appear confident. Everything I wanted to say completely escapes me and I end up "word vomiting" and saying things I never meant to say. Afterwards, I am so ashamed of myself for being so nervous and screwing up that I just want to leave the class and pretend it never happened.
To improve next time, I will better plan out the things I want to say and practice more. To prepare for my LIAB speech, I talked over the things I wanted to say with my boyfriend, who gave me feedback and helped me with transitioning between topics. Of course, all of his wonderful help went out the window when I had to stand up in front of everyone. My delivery was poor because my voice shook and I didn't project well enough, which is something I feel I am going to continue to struggle with. I need to be more powerful, cool, calm, and collected for next time.
